Without Him
by Soph
Summary: Bobby disppears and Alex needs to decide on the future


Without Him

Author: Soph. 

Email: flyingcaty@hotmail.com, look_out_below_oops@yahoo.com.au

Rating: G

Pairing: Bobby/Alex 

Archive: FFN, anyone please ask, I'll defiantly say yes.

Summary: Umm…another result of boredom. Bobby has disappeared and Alex, well lets just say you don't know what you've lost until you've lost it.

Authors Notes: Ok, umm as you can probably tell from my previous story and this one that I'm not a talker. So my characterization tends to reflect that. Erghh I know its not the best dialogue in the world. Sorry! Lol

Also I'm not too sure if I should continue this story, but give me a suggestion please.

I wanted to thank a couple of people for reviewing my last story!

** Sunset: ** Thanks so much for reviewing, thank you for encouraging me and I love your newest story Serial Widow, write more!

**El Chocolate: ** Aww you really think it's cute? :giggles: you're so nice!

**Madame Isabel de Alegheiri: ** Wow, you made my head all big! It was about to explode. Thank you so much much, I only wish I could write like you though. I love your characterizations!

** Sylphide: ** Boo you! Thanks a million for reviewing! LOL your story was fantastic, hurry and finish the CSI one, I'd love to read it! Congrats once again for your story reaching 100 reviews! I knew you could do it all along!

**Cocoa: ** You too made my head huge! Hehehe I know its probably not the best story you've ever read but thank you so much for saying it. You really brightened up my day! Thank you thank you thank you!

Disclaimer: as usual, I'm just borrowing these nice characters, I promise I'll give them back without too much trauma…what am I say…CAN I KEEP THEM?!?!?!

The long grass shifted slightly as the petite blonde pull her legs forward, curling herself in a tight ball which served to push the world away. The air was deathly silent, and she allowed herself to be absorbed into the calm serenity that darted from the blooming spring flowers to the age old trees.

This was a peaceful time and often when one is at peace, one tends to mediate on thoughts that often plague their troubled mind. Alex, was no different. The ever persistent voices that chatted and murmured within her seemed to grow louder in their stubborn demands.

Banishment, it was an option that long ago had been exhausted from overuse. The voices began to grow immune to her pushing and eventually her greatest weapon had taken the greatest defeat. Nothing short of psychically doing what they asked would silence their relentless challenges but Alex found no strength to do these tasks, she had run out long ago. 

"I thought I'd find you here." 

The sudden intrusion of well recognized male voice served to startle Alex out of her quiet reverie. She moved aside to find her boss smiling warmly down at her, "thinking again?"

A small snort found its way past her lips. Deakins however ignored it; instead he crouched gently beside her, taking in the brilliant view that overlooked the bustling city. "So I take it you weren't thinking," he said watching a bird glide along with the lifting breeze.

She shrugged, making no action to speak. Alternatively she plucked a small blade of grass from the ground and began to viciously dissect it from the root.

Deakins turned to watch her with mild interest, "you miss him don't you?" 

With casual ease, he dug his hands into the pocket of his brown pants, waiting, hoping that she would at least acknowledge his sentence.

He waited; a pregnant pause filtered into the space around them.

"Eames?"

Alex dropped the scrap of grass that she had been playing with; glaring up at him. Her deep brown eyes grew murky, and for the first time since he had known the small blonde, Deakins was unable to determine what his fellow workmate was thinking.

She had grown good. The mask that had been well practiced for suspects now clung firmly to her face. She looked emotionless, and from what Deakins could tell, she was.

"I…" Alex paused trying to string a coherent sentence together that would both serve to express her feelings towards the situation and, at the same time, hide them. "…it's hard to explain."

He remained still as a familiar awkward feeling blanketed him like a tight rug. "It's going to be all right, we'll find him. We'll find Bobby." 

Deakins placed a reassuring hand on her shoulders to enforce his message but Eames pushed it away.

She shook her head with such force that the world around her began to spin, "can't you see?" Alex said, louder than she had actually intended. 

Her voice now grew strained as she could no longer hide the intense feelings threatening to thrust it's way past her mask; Eames lowered her head in an effort to conceal the truth. "He's not coming back."

The older man's impassive expression slipped, clearly conveying the shock that he was ultimately feeling inside.

An orange red sun continued to fall below the tall buildings which dotted the far off horizon, slowly but gradually the city lights began to shimmer, illuminating the darkened sky.

"What?" Deakins looked at her, confusion clearly written on his tired, lined face. "I don't understand."

A small caterpillar made its treacherous journey across a particularly large jungle of grass, Alex watched it for a moment; trying desperately to evade his startled question.

"If he wanted to come back, he would have let us find him by now" she explained, desperately fighting the empty feeling that was no threatening to engulf her.

"It's been 3 months, 3 months and still nothing." Her voice cracked then and be-known to the captain beside her a small crystalline tear had began to slide down her smooth cheeks to the ground. The empty feeling within her fought its way from her grasp, consuming all that fell into its way.

She was lost; she needed him, to hear him, to see his face. The truth became known to her then; she missed Bobby. She loved him.

Alex's body shook from her suppressed feelings and she dug her nails harshly into the soft soil in an effort to stop the unwelcome jerky movements. It helped none, instead she found herself in an utter state of helplessness, something that she had not felt in a long time; not since the death of her best friend so many years ago.

Anger; an emotion that seemed so fitting at this point of time, a sensation that would boil and tumble within her like a burning fire. She knew that it was what she should have been feeling but it seemed pointless now, pointless because it could not bring him back. 

Confusion however was a different story, it was the only reaction that she was unsuccessful in repelling, the only reaction that now floated within her like a hot air balloon cruising through the stormy dark sky. 

Deakins watched her, paralyzed; unable to conjure a way to lift this ominous burden from her worn, tired frame. He tried to find a way through this, something that would give her at least a tiny shard of hope. But he already knew that any hope of finding her Bobby had gone along with him. "So we end the search then" he replied finally looking at her.

She sighed, lifting her head up to meet the sky, her eyes remained closed; unwilling to looking upon reality. 'Yes" came a rough whisper, "yes, it's over."

And it was from that precise moment that Alex Eames began to inwardly die…slowly…painfully…without him.

END

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So should I write a sequel to it? I don't know....will it ruin it? 


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